Friday, August 31, 2007
A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT
They were together in the House.Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night.
The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect �her from the storm.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...
They knew it was wrong...
Their families would never understand...
So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors...
just the faint click of a camera...
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. Keep scrolling if you wanna get frightened...
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. C'mon keep going!!!
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BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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Another step closer to your heart 6:58 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Boyfriend Version 5.0
1 Day, a housewife was having problems with her new software that she has bought. She then sent an email to the IT support.Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower,gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Housewife
Dear Desperate Housewife,First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support
Thanks To Miss J.P for the joke =D
Another thing i found very true when you are in love.
1. YOU LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY
2.WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.
3.YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
4.YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU’RE WITH THEM.
5.YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU’RE/THEY’RE AROUND.
6.WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME TIME
7.YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.
8.WHEN YOU LOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN’T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HIM/HER.
9.YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM
10.THEY’RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.
11.YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.
12.YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE ALWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.
13.YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.
14.WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME.
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Another step closer to your heart 10:46 AM
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Tired? Sleepy ?
Just caught that Indian guy sleeping in the toilet cubicle..how i managed to find out ? He was snoring away like he owns the blardy cubicle... -_-"0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 2:47 PM
Monday, August 27, 2007
I look like ahbeng meh?
After Miss J.P told me about my ahbeng look that i had from young till now...it made me had the urge to dig out all the photos that i had. Flipping through all the albums my parents i kept..no matter which angle i looked at myself..i still can't figure out why everyone says i have an ahbeng look. In fact, i looked like a nerd or a geek due to the way my mum dresses me up...where got ahbeng!? Okok maybe i looked like 1 after graduating from secondary school as i had the freedom of having longer hair with no Mr Lak (Principle) lurking around the school with a pair of scissors looking for gullible students to prey on..but after that...its short all the way! Got some pictures to prove my innocence...but don't laugh hor >.<
See so cute! Where got ahbeng look?Could it be the way i speak ? I definately don't think so..i don't scold vulgarities..i don't shout at people..besides...i'm a gentleman wor. Tattoos...i'm clean from tattoos..no dragon or phoenix carved on my body..no words "i love my mum" either..bLeArGh..why do ppl say i look like an ahbeng leh? Think i'll go look at the mirror and examine my face..
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Another step closer to your heart 9:14 PM
A French Girl
A woman was on her way to France to attend a 2-weeks company training session. Having her husband to send her to the airport.Husband: Have a safe trip dear.
Wife: Thank you Honey..Would you like me to bring back something special for you?
Husband: Hahahaha how bout a french girl darling?
*The woman kept quiet and left.*
*Two weeks later he picks her up from the airport.*
Husband:So Honey, how was your trip to France?
Wife: Very good dear ..thanks for asking.
Husband: Erm did you manage to bring back my present?
Wife: What present?
Husband: What i wanted? A French girl?
Wife: OoOoh that~! Well i did what i could and definately tried my best, now we have to wait for afew months and see if its a girl
*The man faints*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 3:58 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Men & Women
Men who dominated the roads always have an opinion on female drivers. The men will Honk on their horns whenever they see a chance to bully a female driver. Or either that, you can see their lips synchronizing to what they always scold "SIBE KAYU" to the female drivers. Now imagine Singapore has a drive-through ATM machine just like Mcdonalds or some other fast food restaurent. This is the difference on what Men and Women will do.MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Wind window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 . Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, wind down window.
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 Kms.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Please do not be mistaken that i have anything against female drivers..i'm just..giving out a warning to male drivers if the drive through ATM really happens.
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Another step closer to your heart 7:15 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Humsup in Africa
Once upon a time, Humsup was sent to Africa as aid worker where he get to join this tribe of TutTut tribesman in their village. Humsup spent more than a year there and you know how Humsup 1 la, that pervert african ladies also he eat!Then come one day, one of the wife of the TutTut Chief (The boss of the TutTut's Tribe) gave birth to a white baby (TutTut Chief got lots of wives wan la,like the ancient China king lidat).
The TutTut Chief found out that his baby is not black, he also very the tulan! He immediately suspect this is Humsup's doing, this is becoz in tho whole village only Humsup is white (ok la ok la not white la! yellow la.) others all black one If not him then who else?
So the TutTut Chief went to confront Humsup
TutTut Chief: OEI HUMSUP! You been screwing my wife izzit??!!!
Humsup: Errr.... urm .... where got?? where got???!!! not me lar!!!
TutTut Chief: You the only one here who is not black! If not you then who else??!!!
Humsup: U listen to me first boss, its not like that 1 leh .... this matter can be explain with science la ...
TutTut Chief: I'm listening ...
Humsup: This one must explain using Mendel's laws of genetics liow.... u see in the field there
TutTut Chief: where?
Humsup: There la ... look at that herd of sheeps
TutTut Chief: Ok ... I m looking .... so?
Humsup: You see hor .... most of the sheeps is white kaler right? why got 2 sheeps BLACK KALER one??? Same theory lar!!!
TutTut Chief: ......................................
TutTut Chief: ok ok ... i understand ...... I UNDERSTAND!!! U WIN!!! U WIN!!! If you dont tell I also dont tell !! STEADY BO???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!
1 comments
Another step closer to your heart 8:41 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
shag it out!
AiYoOoO damn busy for the past few days lor !!! Don't even have the freaking time to type a letter A in this blog -.- . Last thursday was our country's Birthday, so my family and i had a birthday bash at my lovely, powderful & beautiful mengwei 表姐's lovely home (except for her being so "cor lor", kick me so hard for eating her chocolates -.- ) Anyway, kahwei 表姐 took afew pictures so i "Stole" it from her blog!! THANKS HOR KAHWEI !!!
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Another step closer to your heart 8:20 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
busy busy busy
Damn busy for the past 1 week..paiseh didn't update almost at all..today will update but only in the evening. Sorry hor!!!0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 8:58 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
AhSeng a sailor ???
This is not known to most of you guys but AhSeng used to be in the Navy in his younger days. He has always wanted to be a sailor since he was a kid so his dream actually came true..for once..That time hes young and extremely horny but bcoz of he signed up as a sailor he gotta leave his girlfriend at home and go sailing.
On the ship he got to know an old sailor by the name of SSG AhGan and they became frends. After a few days on the ship AhSeng couldn't take it any longer. He tak boleh tahan 1 more minutes without sex! As such he got no choice but to ask SSG AhGan how he managed to sail all these years and not having any urge to have sex at all.
AhSeng : Staff ... how come you so zai wan? how can you tahan without sex for so long?
AhGan : hahaha .... I know you will crack sooner or later ... listen Private! There is this big wooden barrel in my cabin with a hole onnit. The barrel is all yours tonite from 2300 till 0200.
AhSeng : Huh, Barrel? u mean stick my ..... into the hole !?
AhGan:Ay Private dun tell me u dunnoe how to fark ok? Fark like u normally fark la! trust me, you will enjoy it!
AhSeng very reluctant to do what AhGan told him to but a young blood like him got no choice but to try it out.. he gotta release it somewhere right ??
The first few minutes he dun feel very comfortable but after that he felt it is as good as the real thing and he really enjoyed himself that night!
The next day AhSeng wakes up early in the morning to look for AhGan
AhSeng : Good morning AhGan .... the barrel is good, you think i could have another go with the barrel today?
AhSeng : OF COZ! YOU MY BRUDDER LEH! like yesterday, your time slot is from 2300 till 0200
AhSeng : What about the day after tomorrow? Can i use the barrel too?
AhGan : Look AhSeng! ... you can use the barrel from 2300 to 0200 everyday, except wednesday..
AhSeng : Why cannot ??
AhGan : Coz Wednesday is your turn to be inside the barrel!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!
0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 10:04 PM
Sunday, August 05, 2007
S'pore's 42nd birthday bash
Its that time of the year where every Singaporeans celebrates the country's 42nd birthday. Its a totally different experience this year as the birthday bash will be taken place in a totally hip and different location.
Instead of holding the birthday bash at the usual place, the National Stadium, it will be taken place at Marina Bay with the engineers and SAF coming up with the idea of having a floating platform, not only that, its the world's biggest floating platform! The platform is able to hold 9000 people and 3 tanks! Can you believe it ?! We should be in the Guinness book of records!!
Its a whole different feeling having the parade in the CBD area of Singapore, having hotels covering the parade square with the sea surrounding the area, its a parade you DO NOT want to miss. For those who did not manage to purchase tickets to the parade,no worries, you can have a view of the parade right over at the esplanade where you will be able to see the magnificent fireworks and performances put together by the Police coast guards and the SAF.
Singapore has been independent for the past 42 years, lets keep this going and every Singaporean must chip in to keep our country financially strong. From the bloggers of dunbullshitme, we would like to say a big THANK YOU to the people who made this coming 9th August National Day celebration possible.
This is 1 of the favourite National Day songs which we love. KUDOS to the kids that are in the video. You guys rock !!!0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 2:26 PM
Friday, August 03, 2007
Free Sex contest
AhHuat (boss of a petrol station) was sitting in his office wondering why business has been so slow for the past couple of months. He think think think then finally shouted for AhSiao (petrol station worker) to come in hoping he might have an idea to improve business.AhHuat: SIAO AH!! AHSIAO!!
AhSiao: Simi daiji boss??
AhHuat: Ay AhSiao, my petrol station business very bad leh...like that cally on..i have to sack you wor.
*After hearing that sentence, AhSiao ganjiong already, then he gave AhHuat an idea.*
AhSiao: Ay boss..i got idea..
AhHuat: What idea ?? Faster say!!
AhSiao: You have a special promotion or contest la..can attract more people mah!!
AhHuat: Wah Siao..you vely smart leh!
After afew hours, AhHuat hang a banner outside his petrol station written "Win Free Sex If You Top Up Full Tank"
*AhBeng was passing by when he saw the banner and faster turn into the station and asked AhSiao how to win the contest.*
AhSiao: Play 1 easy game la, if win ledi got free sex laio
*AhBeng faster run into the office.*
AhBeng: Ay lao eh, how to play the game ?
AhHuat: Ok i explain to you, the game is lidis one. I will pick a number from 1-9 in my mind then the customer will have to guess it. If they correctly guessed it then they will get free sex.
AhBeng: Huh so easy ah! OK ! 6!
AhHuat: Aiyah!!! you miss by alittle but nia, the number is 7!! Paiseh ar no sex for you this time try again ok ?
AhBeng: WAH LAO !!!! so close!!!
*2 days later AhBeng come again but this time he bring his frend AhGong along.*
AhBeng: OEI! Top up full tank for me again?
AhSiao : Ay boss come to try your luck again ar ?
AhBeng: Ya la this time i bring my frend also, hes my lucky star I think this time i can win leh!
AhSiao: ok boss! just go into the office to see my boss and Good luck!
*start filling the tank*
*AhBeng go into the office together with AhGong to see AhHuat*
AhBeng: Lao eh!! Its me again and this time i m gonna win!
AhHuat: oh hi! welcome! you know the rules right ? go ahead guess the number.
AhBeng: 7!!
AhBeng: 7!!
AhHuat: aiyoo so close again! the answer is 8!! Paiseh hor try again next time!
AhBeng: WAH KAO EH!!!! ARGGHHH!!!
*AhBeng and AhGong got into the car and left. on the way home AhGong asked AhBeng*
AhGong: Siao eh i think the boss of the petrol station owner is a con man la, where can win like this ? Dun stupid la !
AhBeng: Eh dont say lidat! he very honest one ok ? I got proof his contest is real one.
AhGong: What proof ? you won before ar ?
AhBeng: No lar not me ... MY WIFE WON TWICE LAST WEEK!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0 comments
Another step closer to your heart 11:38 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Learn To Read Chinese
The Chinese language has been handed down by our ancestors from China hundreds of years ago. In Singapore, the language is always being used, be it during work or play. Besides knowing how to speak chinese, you must learn how to write the language as well. Its not an easy thing to learn not only for kids but for adults as well. The strokes and curves has to be perfect in order to have the words understood. Tonight, dunbullshitme will teach you how to read chinese EASILY!Now, heres a picture with chinese words written on it. Ancient times, Chinese words are being read from the right to the left, from the top to the bottom. Having a headache yet ?
Anyone figured out what words are in the picture ? Those who are good in chinese should be able to make out the words. Now, heres the easiest way to read the words. Don't read from the top..try turning it to the side and read it normally...now look at the picture below. GOT IT YET?
BRAVO to you if you got it right!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Another step closer to your heart 9:20 PM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Ah Beng's stay in a hotel
1 weekend, our AhBeng decided to visit his brother AhSeng who recently migrated to Kanada. As this was his 3rd visit, he did not want to impose AhSeng by staying at his place so he has decided to stay in a hotel instead, oh did i say it was his 1st time staying in a hotel.The check in went smoothly as he understood what the help desk staff was saying. He took his keys and went up to his loom. AhBeng took a bath and was ready to head out to meet AhSeng when his problem arised....he called the front desk immediately.
AhBeng : Herro? herro? this is hotel har?
Front Desk : Yes sir! this is the hotel front desk, what can I do for you?
AhBeng : How come my room got no exit wan?
Front Desk : I am sure there is am exit in your room sir. Have you look properly?
AhBeng : Yes I did! I cant find it!
Front Desk : Sir, have you try looking for the door?
AhBeng : Yes .. you see ... there is 3 doors in my room, 1 door i opened liow i can see toilet, then
another door i open liow i can see another door.
Front Desk : oh! thats the door connecting your room to the next room sir, that is not the exit.
AhBeng : There is this last door which i havent open yet.
Front Desk : I think that is the exit sir.
AhBeng : I dont think so leh!
Front Desk : May I ask why sir?
AhBeng : Le Kua hor (you see hor) .... I think there is someone inside that door, I dont dare to open ler!
Front Desk : Are you sure ???
AhBeng : Yala .... there is this sign on the door that says "DO NOT DISTURB" leh!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!
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